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And now the shitty part
With regard to health and my peace of mind the past four or five months were a giant heap of shit, and I am not sure when (and in my darker moments, if) I can put it behind me.
A standard preventive check in March came up with some Thing. The Thing could not be removed in the outpatient practice, nor a month later at the hospital, and the histology said that the Thing either was malignant or would become so within a few years.
There were two options: Assume that it is not malignant and cut it out precisely. This was recommended by the senior physician. Or assume that it is and cut it out accordingly. This was recommended by the tumour board. Another cancer is high on my list of Do Not Want, and being cut open twice if it did turn out malignant in the end felt like something one should avoid. So very reluctantly I agreed with the tumour board. Not sure now if I should have.
I spent seven days in hospital. Surgery could be done minimally invasive and went fine, I was ambulatory right after waking from anaesthesia. Ten days later I learned that it had not (yet) been a cancer, which was a great relief.
Now I only have to deal with a new and inferior configuration of my insides. I'm in a lot of pain (even if it's "mostly harmless"), get nausea if I eat or drink anything, the pain meds I have are scary (Novalgin), and I am as weak as a not particularly energetic kitten. I have lost four kilos since the surgery, which would not be good even if I had four kilos to spare.
About ten days ago when I was fresh out of hospital, I thought that I could go back to work tomorrow. Today I don't think I can, and I feel like an idiot.
Edit: fixed typos
A standard preventive check in March came up with some Thing. The Thing could not be removed in the outpatient practice, nor a month later at the hospital, and the histology said that the Thing either was malignant or would become so within a few years.
There were two options: Assume that it is not malignant and cut it out precisely. This was recommended by the senior physician. Or assume that it is and cut it out accordingly. This was recommended by the tumour board. Another cancer is high on my list of Do Not Want, and being cut open twice if it did turn out malignant in the end felt like something one should avoid. So very reluctantly I agreed with the tumour board. Not sure now if I should have.
I spent seven days in hospital. Surgery could be done minimally invasive and went fine, I was ambulatory right after waking from anaesthesia. Ten days later I learned that it had not (yet) been a cancer, which was a great relief.
Now I only have to deal with a new and inferior configuration of my insides. I'm in a lot of pain (even if it's "mostly harmless"), get nausea if I eat or drink anything, the pain meds I have are scary (Novalgin), and I am as weak as a not particularly energetic kitten. I have lost four kilos since the surgery, which would not be good even if I had four kilos to spare.
About ten days ago when I was fresh out of hospital, I thought that I could go back to work tomorrow. Today I don't think I can, and I feel like an idiot.
Edit: fixed typos
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I'm still weak and tired, and cannot eat as much as I should, but at least most of the pain and nausea seems to have resolved for now.
I didn't post about it before, because there was no clear diagnosis, so much uncertainty, and everything moved so slowy that I decided that the less I thought about it the less miserable I would feel. It kind of worked, I think.