The year of my discontent
Dec. 31st, 2011 04:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lyornThis was not a good year. It wasn't exactly bad, either -- it just felt ... stagnant. Not moving. Not going anywhere.
Looking at what has happened, "not going anywhere" doesn't seem correct. There has been a lot of change. But it all felt like some powerful undertow, dragging me away from what I want to be: Weird, creative, fearless, in motion. I feel caught in my own head, in my own unimportant, trivial and mundane life, dragged away from my friends, from my heart, from everything that should *be* in my head. "Stagnant" is not what the year was, but what I feel it has made me.
I am not as unhappy about this as I feel I should be. I feel only a vague dissatisfaction. This is very much Not Good, and the only vaguely consolating thing is that I have felt like this before and always managed to drag me out of it again. So there's my New Year's Resolution.
Looking at what has happened, "not going anywhere" doesn't seem correct. There has been a lot of change. But it all felt like some powerful undertow, dragging me away from what I want to be: Weird, creative, fearless, in motion. I feel caught in my own head, in my own unimportant, trivial and mundane life, dragged away from my friends, from my heart, from everything that should *be* in my head. "Stagnant" is not what the year was, but what I feel it has made me.
I am not as unhappy about this as I feel I should be. I feel only a vague dissatisfaction. This is very much Not Good, and the only vaguely consolating thing is that I have felt like this before and always managed to drag me out of it again. So there's my New Year's Resolution.
